
Monday morning was a tough time for Commies fans. It is hard to wake up on a dark and cold winter morning in late January to head on to work after witnessing your favorite football team throwing up on itself the day before. Nobody enjoys seeing their favorite team pummelled into the ground by a hated rival. It is never fun when your local 53 looks like their battle cry at the start of the game was, “NOT IN THE FACE!” So, I am here to lighten the mood and give Commies’ fans nationwide a few reasons why they should be happy they lost the NFC Championship game to the Philadelphia Elgses.
Ah, never change. Philly. Stay as dumb as ever.
Anyway, like I said, I am here to make Commies fans smile and offer some levity to the somber morning after a complete spanking in the NFC Championship game.
A Stress-Free Super Bowl
Commies fans can now sit back and relax over the next two weeks. No worrying or stressing about how in the world the Commies defense will possibly contain Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs. Commies fans can carry about their lives without any extra care at all. Just go about living your life without feeling that stress inside your stomach that increases with each day closer to the Super Bowl. Stress is terrible for your health. It can lead to advanced aging, intestinal issues, memory loss, and loss of hair. Who wants any of that? Instead, Commies fans can get plenty of sleep and be physically and mentally healthy.
Not only that, but Super Bowl Sunday becomes a relaxing day. Commies fans can kick back, sink into their favorite BarcaLounger, and watch the Super Bowl with zero stress. Feel free to have some family and friends come over knowing you can simply enjoy some food and good company while watching a football game with zero rooting interest. This frees up Commies fans to enjoy the game and appreciate two excellent teams slugging it out with each other. Who cares who wins? Commies fans will be in a good mood no matter who wins and go to bed full of wings and beer and sleep well.
More Free Time
The Commies getting blitzed in the NFC Championship game means Commies fans have more free time! More family time. More valuable YOU time to do whatever you want. If you are a Commies fan who lives outside of the DMV and somewhere warm then maybe you can spend more time outside. Perhaps even go golfing. You lucky bastards.
Commies fans will have more free time to do all of these wonderful things instead of spending time listening to the various Commies podcasts out there. Or sitting inside watching TV and seeing the upcoming Super Bowl being broken down by so-called experts nearly 24 hours a day for two weeks.
More free time makes for a healthier you. Embrace this opportunity, Commies fans.
Draft Order
By getting crushed by the Philadelphia Elgses the Commies now have a slightly better draft position than if they went to the Super Bowl. Commies fans can appreciate that the Commies now have the 29th pick in the upcoming 2025 NFL Draft. If the Commies had made the Super Bowl then fans would be looking at their team picking either 31st or 32nd.
Each position gained in the NFL draft can be valuable! Just a few spots higher in the draft can make a big difference in being able to select a future game-changing player. Commies fans can get excited about having a better draft position as the Commies look to plug some of the numerous holes in their roster.
Mock Drafts
Everyone loves mock drafts! Hell, mock drafts seem to generate more interest and excitement than some regular-season games. No fanbase knows more about immediately focusing on mock drafts before the NFL regular season even ends than Commanders/Football Team/Redskins fans. Washington football fans have focused more on the NFL draft than the regular season for the past 30 years.
Commies fans can now focus on the various mock drafts two weeks earlier than if the Commies had won the NFC Championship game! C’mon, don’t lie. You know you love pouring over as many mock drafts as possible to try and see what players the Commies are going to draft. It’s more addictive than gummi bears!
FYI, here are the results of some of the latest mock drafts for the 2025 NFL Draft.
The Draft Network has the Commies selecting Benjamin Morrison, CB, Notre Dame.
The Sporting News has the Commies drafting Shavon Revel Jr., CB, East Carolina.
CBS Sports has the Commies drafting Donovan Jackson, IOL, Ohio State.
NFL.com has the Commies drafting Josh Simmons, OT, Ohio State.
Fansided.com has the Commies drafting Josh Conerly Jr., OT, Oregon.
College Football Network has the Commies drafting Colston Loveland, TE, Michigan.
USA Today has the Commies drafting JT Tuimoloau, Edge, Ohio State. Not sure if Commies fans want to see another defensive end from Ohio State selected in the first round.
See, didn’t that feel fun and relaxing to read some mock draft results? You’re welcome.
The Commanders Brand
I saved the biggest and best reason for Commies fans to be happy for last. If you are one of the many Commies fans (and they are legion) who hate the horrendous Commanders name and branding then you should be jumping for joy. If the Commies had gone to the Super Bowl and won it would have given Josh Harris and Co. the excuse to not change the awful Commanders name and branding for the Washington franchise.
Commies fans who throw up in their mouths every time they try and say the name “Commanders” should be overjoyed. Commies fans who think that the Commanders name and branding are covered by the odious stench of little Danny Snyder should be thrilled.
The loss in the NFC Championship game means that the pressure remains on Johs Harris and Co. to do something about what is easily the worst name and branding in the entire NFL.
All right, I hope Commies fans are feeling a bit better. Keep in mind that despite a distasteful end of the season with a brutal loss to a hated rival, the Commies did have one magical season. It was much better than the 8-9 season I was expecting!
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