Only July 26, 2022, the Commies rolled out on their website two options for the new Hail to the Commanders fight song. I know, I know. Everyone can barely contain their excitement. I am sure that everyone had high expectations for quality options from the organization that gave you this amazing reveal:
“We are the Commanders.”
— The Recount (@therecount) February 2, 2022
— Former Washington Football Team QB Doug Williams announces new team name, the Washington Commanders pic.twitter.com/ta5hEeyHhQ
And the organization that rolled out commandlegacy.com with the greatest players in the organization’s history was littered with misspellings, incorrect factual information about the players, and, oh yeah, did not include Trent Williams.
Well, evidently, the process to create the two options for the new Hail to the Commanders fight song was Jason Wright sitting on the toilet the day before thinking of how to tweak the Hail to the Redksins in a fashion that will make it as bland and unoffensive to anyone on the planet while still incorporation some corporate buzz words from his time at McKinsey & Company. Ten minutes later, Jason was done with his business in the bathroom and had scribbled down the two options for Hail to the Commanders fight song on some toilet paper and everyone was good to go. Another win for the crown jewel of all North American professional sports.
Before we get to the two options for Hail to the Commanders, it is worth looking back at the original version of Hail to the Redskins. The reason for this is that Hail to the Redskins has been changed several times over the decades. So, now changing it again to Hail to the Commanders just doesn’t feel like that big of a deal.
1938 Version
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old Dixie!
Run or pass and score — we want a lot more!
Scalp ’em, swamp ’em — We will take ’em big score
Read ’em, weep ’em, touchdown – we want heap more
Fight on, Fight on — ‘Till you have won
Sons of Wash-ing-ton. Rah!, Rah!, Rah!
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old Dixie!
Yeah…it is kind of obvious why the original Hail to the Redskins underwent some changes during the 1960s and the 1970s. After various changes, we ended up with the modern version of Hail to the Redskins that we all know and love and sang at many games.
1972 Version
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!
Run or pass and score — we want a lot more!
Beat ’em, Swamp ’em,
Touchdown! — Let the points soar!
Fight on, fight on ‘Til you have won
Sons of Wash-ing-ton. Rah!, Rah!, Rah!
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!
Yeah, you know those lyrics by heart! At any rate, before we dive into the two options for Hail to the Commanders I think it is important to examine the last version of Hail to the Redskins. After all, the Commies went out of their way to say that they were keeping the music from Hail to the Redskins with zero changes. The Commies also wanted to emphasize that most of the lyrics were staying the same. So, in order to see if the tiny new additions to the fight song make sense, we need to examine the story of our last version of Hail to the Redskins.
Hail to the Redskins’ narrative is one of the fans in the stands singing to the Redskins players on the field. The fans are literally hailing the Redskins players on the field. The fans are asking the Redskins players for more touchdowns and more points. The fans are imploring the Redskins players to keep fighting until the Redskins players have won the football game. The “Sons” in Sons of Wash-ing-ton are the Redskins players on the field. This is how we know the fans are encouraging the Redskins players (the Sons of Washington) to keep fighting until they have won the football game. The song concludes with the fans telling the Redskins players to fight for old D.C.
It all makes sense. The fans sing the song to the players on the field. The subject matter is the players being urged to score points and win the game and to continue to fight for Washington D.C.
All right, now let’s turn our attention to Option 1 for the new Hail to the Commanders fight song. I have bolded the words that are new.
Option 1
Hail to the Commanders!
Hail Victory!
Fight for our Commanders!
Fight for old D.C.!
Run or pass and score
We want a lot more!
Beat ‘em Swamp ‘em
Touchdown! – – Let the points soar!
Fight on Fight on ’Til you have won
All of Wash-ing-ton. Rah! Rah! Rah!
Hail to the Commanders!
Hail Victory!
Fight for our Commanders!
Fight for old D.C.!
Okay, Option 1 is a mess. We can all see that, right? The big problem is that the narrative is completely broken by the new lyrics. It begins the same way with the fans evidently singing the song to praise the Commanders players who are on the field. But, the line “Fight for our Commanders” implies that the fans are no longer cheering for the players on the field to keep fighting. We know this because why would the fans tell the Commanders players to fight for “our Commanders?” That would make no sense.
So, instead, the only way this new line makes sense is if it is the fans who are encouraging other Commanders fans to now engage in fighting on behalf of the Commanders football team. I would imagine that this is something like hooligans of European football clubs fighting “on behalf” of their club against fans of the opposing football club.
However, the narrative switches again as the fans go back to singing about wanting the Commanders players on the field to score touchdowns and score more points. This is in line with the last version of Hail to the Redskins.
But, wait! The narrative gets flipped once again with the lyrics “Fight on Fight on ’Til you have won All of Wash-ing-ton.” Now, we have the fans telling “all of Washington” to keep fighting until they have one. It seems that the narrative is now that the fans are imploring other Commanders fans, or in fact, the entire population of Washington, D.C. to keep fighting until the Commanders fans or the population have won.
Won what you ask? I have no idea! The Commanders fans and the population of Washington, D.C. are not playing the football game that the lyrics are referencing just one line before. So, now we effectively have the fans singing for the entire population of Washington, D.C. to fight until they have won some type of metaphorical battle not connected to the game?
Or perhaps this line is referring back to the first pleading to the Commanders fans to fight the opposing team’s fans. Except, this line has increased the scope of the command and is now telling the entire population of Washington, D.C. to engage in fighting against the opposing team’s fans until all of D.C. has won the fight. Or, maybe the song is advocating for the population of Washington, D.C. to riot? Maybe in celebration of a big Commanders win?
Oh, but wait! It gets even worse! You still have not seen Option 2 for Hail to the Commanders!
Option 2
Hail to the Commanders!
Hail Victory!
Leaders on a mission!
Fight for old D.C.!
Run or pass and score
We want a lot more!
Beat ‘em Swamp ‘em
Touchdown! – – Let the points soar!
Fight on Fight on ’Til you have won
All of Wash-ing-ton. Rah! Rah! Rah!
Hail to the Commanders!
Hail Victory!
Leaders on a mission!
Fight for old D.C.
Somehow, Option 2 is even worse. I did not think this was possible after reading Option 1. In Option 2, we begin with the fans hailing the Commanders football players on the field and imploring them to win the game.
Then the fans talk about “leaders on a mission” who are supposed to be fighting for D.C. This makes zero sense. Are the Commanders the “leaders?” What is the “mission?” Is the mission to win the football game? I have never heard a single commentator or journalist ever use the phrase “NFL Team X is on a mission to win this game!” It is silly.
Further, if it is the Commanders who are on the “mission” then why use the word “leaders?” It would make more sense to say “Commanders on a mission” instead? This is the point of Option 2 where it sounds like Jason Wright just vomiting up corporate buzz words from his time at McKinsey & Company.
We then have the fans imploring the Commanders players on the field to score more touchdowns and to run up the points. Then the fight song switched the narrative and now the fans are imploring either the Commanders fans or the entire population of Washington, D.C. to fight until they have won. Again, this is either a mysterious fight unconnected to the game or it is an invocation for the population of Washington, D.C. to fight the opposing team’s fans. Or for the population of Washington, D.C. to engage in rioting over a big Commanders win.
Both songs are complete trash. Since I am only given these two crap options and had no option to vote “Neither. Go back and actually put some effort into the new song.” I went ahead and voted for Option 1.
Look, both songs are horrendous and nonsensical. But, “Leaders on a mission” is the worst of all the bad ideas in both options. I have no idea why in the hell anyone would have ever come up with the lyrics “leaders on a mission” and honestly thought that they had come upon an excellent idea. It is truly stunning.
It is as if the Commies do something stupid. Then we all react to it by saying there is no way this organization can get any dumber. Then the Commies say “Hold my beer” and proceed to prove all of us wrong.
The changing of “Sons of Washington” to “All of Washington” is obviously done because the Commies are petrified of not seeming to be the most woke team in the NFL. One reason for this is the bad press the team took for the old Redskins team name. The even bigger reason for this is Dan Snyder’s toxic culture and hideous treatment of so many women within the organization for years. Now, the new regime is running from Dan Snyder’s poisonous shadow and is constantly trying to make sure that we all know they are super inclusive to the point where words no longer make sense.
Clearly, the new regime thought using gendered language in Hail to the Commanders would not be “inclusive.” Instead, the word “all” is very inclusive. Therefore, we get the change.
However, the reason that the words “Sons of Washington” are used is that the “Sons of Washington” are the Commanders football players. I know this may shock some people, so please sit down before you read the next sentence. But, the Commanders’ entire roster of players is solely comprised of men. I know, I know. Insane. Still, here we are.
So, it makes sense to call the team of all men playing the game while representing the city of Washington, D.C. the “Sons of Washington.” And the narrative makes perfect sense because the fans want the “Sons of Washington” playing the football game to fight on until they have won. Changing just one word completely destroys the narrative of both Option 1 and Option 2 and makes both sound nonsensical. This is what happens when you never employ any critical thinking or logic when employing your “inclusive” hammer to everything related to the Commies.
Of course, we all know that in the end, it does not matter about any of these new lyrics. Once the music starts playing we are all going to just sing Hail to the Redskins anyway.
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